Perpetually Single? Read this.

I have several friends who continually struggle in the area of dating and relationships.  It's unfathomable how so many wonderful, loving people can't find or maintain romantic relationships.  Granted, we've all had our hearts broken, but some of my dearest friends seem to be completely imprisoned by their fear of being hurt.  Or, conversely, they jump into relationships that aren't right for them, just to avoid being single.  It seems like a viscous cycle of loneliness and shame I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
Sure, these folks (not all of them women) have compelling reasons for why they make the choices they do, whether they're overtly aware of them or not.  Unfortunately, many are completely clueless about why they can't seem to find a good match.  I have been researching this topic recently, and I have a few theories about what's really happening.  I've put together a few reasons why many of us are having such a hard time finding a good mate.
For the Perpetually Single Bachelor/ette who's got a million reasons for their discontented lifestyle, I'm calling you out.  You're full of it.  Admitting it is the first step towards change.
Here are a few reasons why you're not in a relationship (also to be continued):
"I'm better off alone."
Many folks stay single for YEARS of their prime, all the while wishing they'd find their mate, though they may claim otherwise - c'mon, who doesn't want to be loved?  Humans are meant to connect with each other in all ways - mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.  They're not single because that's what's best for them.  Affection and love is what is best for them, as with all of us.  A newborn who is not held will not thrive.  Everyone need hugs and cuddles just as much to be happy and healthy.  The cat/dog/kid you're snuggling is better off for it, and so are you.
"There's no one I'm interested in."
Really? Seven billion people on this planet and not one of them looks good enough to you?
You've shut yourself down.  Your perception has narrowed entirely.  You're not in the dating market, anymore.  You'll never sell your house if you keep the secret that it's for sale.   You'll never fill the position if you don't put out the Help Wanted ad.  You'll never get a customer if you don't flip the sign to OPEN.  So let it be known that you're available and interested in dating.  There is no shame in it.  Admitting that you're interested in finding love will lead to opening your perspective to see the potential mates that are literally all around you everyday of your life.  The cutie across the coffee shop was totally checking you out while you were focused on your phone, making yourself look too busy to be approached.  Damnit.
"I'm waiting to be pursued by someone who's interested in me."
Now, let's talk about our over-idealized and often totally unrealistic concept of how relationships start. For many of us ladies, romantic comedies have given us the idea that the girl that gets the boy is the one who's just doing her own thing, running her own life.  She's standoffish and aloof at first.  Though it seems to work like a charm in Hollywood, this coy behavior is a major turn-off and will keep you single.  The chase is meant to be fun.  If you want to be chased, you must GIVE CHASE.  You need to seem interested in playing the game, otherwise, there's no point.  Aloof behavior gives off the opposite impression, which is all too much discouragement for the timid potential suitor.  So, while you're hoping and waiting for someone to approach you, you're acting unapproachable and completely undermining yourself in the process.
"I won't chase a date."
Many are endlessly single because they simply lack the confidence to go after what they want. Though it seems like the enviable position to be the object of desire, taking on the role of the chaser can be just as rewarding.  Many women are put off by the concept of pursuing the person they're crushing on.  I can understand preferring the passive, but appealing, notion that if so-and-so is interested, they'll come to you.  However, if they don't know you exist, how is that going to happen?  Taking the initiative to introduce yourself will make a huge difference in the likelihood that one of your new acquaintances, which you have selected as attractive, will come forward to pursue you.  Hiding your identity and dating eligibility from others makes it impossible for potential mates to find you!  Though it might seem tough at first, once you get the hang of a casual introduction, you'll see that it's the actually the easiest part of the courtship process.  Mustering up a "hello, my name is..." is a hell of a lot easier than deciding where to go on a first date, and what to talk about for hours.  Start small.  Say hi.  You can do it!