3 Reasons You're Still Single

Here's few more reasons you've probably been telling yourself for why you're still single when you don't want to be.  

“I’m too shy to meet new people.”  

At one point, every person you know was someone new in your life.  Some relationships are easier to start than others (family members, for example) but you had to begin somewhere with all of your friends, co-workers and neighbors.  Remember when you were a kid and you saw another child playing on the slide and you’d just say “Hi! Want to be friends?” without a second thought? It was that easy then, and it still is!

Maybe that wasn’t your way of making friends as a kid, maybe you were the child who’d rather just sit on the swings alone, for fear of being made to feel inadequate by the other kids.  If that was the case, how’d that work out for you? You probably spent a lot of time feeling lonely, wishing you had a friend.  Now that you’re an adult, I’m sure it’s rather obvious that waiting for everyone else to come to you sure doesn’t work in the real world.  If you have ever had to go on a job interview, you know that staying silent simply won’t get you the job offer.  The same is true when it comes to dating.  I know it can be hard to put yourself out there when you’re really shy, but I assure you, it is the only way to make any change.  Overcoming your fears in the best way to conquer them and grow as an individual.  Shyness is a crutch that keeps you playing it safe and seldom winning, and you need to let go of your irrational fear that you will be chastised for sparking up a conversation with another person.  Moreover, you may not even realize that your shyness is evident to others, even when you say nothing.  Others can perceive your closed-off energy, and they probably mistake your shyness for snobbery or negativity.  While you’re worried that they don’t like you, you look like you don’t like them!

“I’ve been open to a relationship for years, but I’ve never met anyone.”

Well, that’s a flat-out lie.  No matter how much you think you’ve been passed over, there is no doubt you’ve met someone who would have been happy to date you if you hadn’t been closed off to the concept that someone else might find you attractive.  When you’re shy, low on self-confidence/self-worth or worried that you’ll be rejected, you appear to your potential "candidates" as being uninterested in dating, or worse, unimpressed by them in particular.  You unconsciously slammed the door shut on them before they ever had a chance to say hello.

“I get really nervous on dates and look like a psycho.”

Even the most confident among us still gets nervous.  No doubt every entertainer gets nervous before a show and being on stage in front of thousands is literally their job! Your date is nervous, too (even if they don’t show it).  I find nervousness to be a good thing and here’s why.  When you’re nervous, you’re stepping outside of your comfort zone.  You’re GROWING! You’re making progress.  Everything takes practice and apprehension is a normal first stage.  You will make it through that uncomfortable zone if you stick with it.  You have to keep trying to get better.  Also, if you're nervous, don't worry about letting your date see that.  The fact that you're nervous will likely alleviate some of their feelings too, and you can find common ground in the fact that dating is nerve-racking!

Try to accept that nerves are a part of the growing process and you CAN overcome them, even though they might seem insurmountable.  Many of our deep-seated fears are simply illusions we must see as such and nervousness is no exception.  Don't worry: you're not a psycho, you're normal.

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