No time to waste

I am sure that I am not alone when it comes to letting the little things in life bog me down and prevent me from focusing on what really matters.  Who has so much disposable time that they can watch a 3 hour long episode of The Bachelor or spend countless hours posting inspirational quotes and funny memes on Facebook?  I sure as hell don't.  My list of things to do usually includes such necessities as never-ending laundry and scrubbing the bathrooms.  I am constantly busy but never feel like I am getting things done on the grander scale.  Why is it so hard to prioritize my tasks to bring about the big picture outcome? Does it really matter if there's dishes in the sink when I'm right in the middle of writing a novel that has been waiting for my attention for months?
I struggle with the fact that it seems like my mundane to-do list takes over my time and prevents me from making progress in my chosen path. I am so distracted by all the things I tell myself that I should do that I don't stop and think about all the things I could do.
I have high standards and a high purpose.  I do not have time for meaningless distractions that are counterproductive.  My goals are lofty and my desire to accomplish those goals is strong.  I spend far too much time and energy on the things that don't help me and neglect the things that do.
I frequently run away from my dreams and aspirations, if only to prevent an inevitable confrontation with the possibility that I am not good enough, or worse - that I am.  My fear of success is just as strong, if not stronger, than my fear of failure.  We all fail - that's expected.  Not everyone succeeds at achieving their goals.  In fact, very few do; which makes them inherently special.  My feelings about my self worth are a constant deliberation with the proverbial angel on my right and devil on my left.  It seems terribly presumptuous to decide that I'm so special that I can make whatever life I chose a reality.
But is it? If I choose to get a different job with better pay, it wouldn't be some kind of miracle.  It would be going after something I want, and doing whatever is necessary (applying, interviewing) to make it happen.  If I decided I wanted to move across the country, I would save up to make the trip. I would line up a new place and a new job before I went.  Again, nothing miraculous about seeing those plans through to fruition.
Ultimately, what prevents me from seeing my aspirations come to life and become my new reality is a combination of a lack of time and inadequate time management.  There are many ways to prioritize my efforts to accomplish all the things I want to in life, but it requires my concentrated effort.  Maybe if I put getting organized on the top of my to-do list, I can make each minute I have more productive towards the end of seeing my wishes become my new reality.
 

Necrophilia

Recently trending online is a story from Sweden of a woman who was arrested and charged with disrupting the peace of the dead. You can read the news story here: http://www.thelocal.se/44536/#.UQHkLx3O1sF
The woman in the story was not suspected of murder despite evidence that she was, shall we say, intimate, with her bone collection. Her affliction is necrophilia. Merriam-Webster defines necrophilia as, "obsession with and usually erotic interest in or stimulation by corpses (Merriam-Webster, Para. 1)."
However twisted this may seem to the average non-necrophiliac, her condition compelled her to do god-knows-what with the bodies and bones in her possession. Does that excuse it? Certainly not.
Despite its obscurity, I'm desperately curious about her case. She had to know on some level that her actions were reprehensible. Bone-lover that she is, she was still declared competently sane by a psychologist to stand trial. The means she knew right from wrong, and did it anyway.
What could have happened to this poor woman, in order for her mind to take that deep plunge into necrophilia? Was this condition hereditary or was she catastrophically abused in her youth? Was she exposed to death at an early age, thus associating sexual development with corpses? Only she could tell you, but I have my better guesses.

I could go dive into a mountain of research and psychosexual theory but let's boil it all down to this: the woman in question should have found a legal (and less disgusting) means of gratifying herself.  Maybe then she wouldn't be looking at years in jail over getting her jollies.

   

Traveling

Some people hate to travel while others love it. I am one of the latter, but I despise waiting around for a flight. I suppose my car has given me a travel-on-demand attitude towards going anywhere. There comes a moment in your life when you realize that your self-oriented, hedonistic thinking slaps you in the face when you've missed your flight because you just couldn't be so inconvenienced as to wait at the gate for a lengthy spell. I am paying dearly for my error, as I sit at the gate for three times the length of time I would have if I had arrived early enough. Lesson learned. I won't be making this mistake again.

Peacock

If a peacock's plumage is meant for attracting a mate, what do men do to lure a woman with their lack of beautiful feathers?

As a woman and psychology enthusiast, I am intrigued by the behavior men use to impress or allure women.  There seems to be a specific formula men use in order to present themselves in a positive light and make themselves stand out from the crowd.  Women tend to make the general assumption that men are primarily interested in looks, so we flirt with hair flipping, lip biting and showing more of our skin.  Men operate in an altogether different fashion.  Men seem to "peacock" by boasting about their income, education, career, stability, possessions, or their prestige/status level.  I have had plenty of conversations with men who have told me their income level immediately, and I'm continually surprised by this divide between men and women.
Women don't shake hands with a man and announce their fiscal revenue.  Truthfully, disclosing my wealth (or lack thereof) never crosses my mind regardless of the company I keep.  As a woman, it is generally not the quality by which I measure my worth or my level of attraction to the opposite sex.  (Now, the scale, that's a different story...) I wonder, do men tell each other what they make as a matter of course?  Would two strangers, both men, sitting at the bar, drinking beer and watching the game, talk about their annual gross income?  Doubtful, but hey, maybe they do.  I wouldn't know; I'm not allowed in the boys' club.
Though it may be easy to surmise that men think that women are only interested in a man's prosperity, this is, of course, no more true than a man being fixated entirely on a woman's looks rather than her personality as well (or her income, education, career, possessions, stability, etc.).  I think many women would agree that the confidence that men exude when showboating is attractive, even if its shocking that they would be so forthcoming with their personal information.  That being said, I don't see how else a man would let you know how stable or financially sound he is unless he just came right out with it.  I suppose in the grand scheme of things, we are all wired to do what's natural to attract a mate.  A peacock fans his feathers out, and man opens his proverbial wallet.  Its the different means to the same end, whether man or animal.      

  

Self Acceptance

In this culture of overly aggressive sexuality in the media, why is it still shameful for women to be open about their sexual identity? (Um, has anyone else noticed that female pop singers, in particular, no longer wear anything other than leotards?)  Sure, there's the 'he's a stud, she's a slut' double standard, but regardless of that stigma, there's still some deeply held beliefs about female sexuality (as in my case, female author's persona, but really its an every-woman issue) that I feel should fade into oblivion along with the quill and inkwell of centuries past.
It doesn't matter what other people tell you, whether it's men wanting you to let it all hang out, only to put you down for being easy, or the women scorning you for letting your sexuality show too overtly instead of hiding it for only your lover to see behind closed doors.  Under it all (regardless of religious teachings), each of us are nothing more than animals who have an inherent need to touch and be touched.  A baby will not survive if never held and that translates into our sexual identities as we age and reach maturity.  Being human means needing to be touched, loved, and to make connections (emotional and physical) with others.  There's nothing shameful about that at all.  That being said, why is it taboo for anyone (especially women) to let that part of their identity show?
I don't mean broadcasting your private relationship.  True love should be cherished and kept between lovers alone.  This world doesn't need another Pamela and Tommy Lee video (though others may disagree).  I am speaking of the desire to embrace every aspect of who I am, even if it's not the most socially acceptable thing to do.  I think I will be much happier if I just let that all go.  I want to be free.  I want to be a sultry and sensuous woman, and have that not mean I'm a whore or trashy or having little to no moral values.  I want to be comfortable in my own skin, regardless of others' opinions.  I long to be who I am, unencumbered and unashamed.

A new Renaissance

Tomorrow is the last day of the Mayan calendar.  Radicals are calling it the end of the world trying to whip us into a frenzy.  This simple fact has led many people down the road of mass hysteria.  Some of which have let their twisted minds give them the audacity to do unspeakable things in their panic.  I am horrified by these events, as are the rest of us.  This paragraph is all I will allot for those nefarious demons before I move on to the real matter at hand.

The end of one era leads to the start of another.  The closing of this age, the chapter of time in which we have all been born and grown, seen so many joyful moments and far too many tragedies, opens up something beautiful and heavenly.  A clean slate ripe with opportunity to try again, to start fresh.


A blessed beginning.  The world anew.  The end of the Mayan calendar means we are moving out of this dark age and into a golden age.  The Crusades were followed by the Renaissance. I believe that we are experiencing the same chance for enlightenment.  I plan to take full advantage of this spectacular endeavor, and I hope everyone else does the same.

 

School of Athens by Raffael

Back to Maple Tree...

I haven't had much time to work on my blog or novel writing lately and I am looking forward to getting back to it.  I have so many ideas that I am excited to get to work on.  First, I am trying to finish Under the Maple Tree before I move on to something else.  It's sometimes hard to resist the lure of another idea that would be fun to write, but I would rather have another completed novel than several unfinished stories.  Starting another project before the last is completed will only delay my progress so I will just have to keep plugging along until Maple Tree is finished/edited/published.  Only then will I allow myself to begin working on another story.  I am considering changing directions entirely on my next book, maybe not involving psychology at all.  I write this specific niche that I seem to have a special affection for - psychological thrillers involving mental illness.  It's not something that I originally thought would be my favorite genre, but creative forces often lead me down paths I didn't set out to travel.  (The same is true for my paintings and drawings.)  I don't dwell too long on my ideas or intentions because ultimately, my creativity will produce something entirely different anyway.

Apart from the creative aspect of writing novels, the business end is very important to me.  In order for me to share my novels, I have to promote them.  I haven't had much time to do this either.  I am hoping that if I refocus my efforts, I can spread the word about my novels.  I am slowly building a readership, but I feel that there a lot more people (women, particularly) that will enjoy my writing.  I am currently working on creating video trailers for my books in order to showcase my stories to people who have not had the chance to investigate my novels.  Hopefully the videos will help me promote my work, and be fun to watch too!

I will keep updating my blog with my progress on Under the Maple Tree though at this point, I'm looking at a release date estimation of February at the earliest.  I was hoping to finish it sooner, but it's better to have a well-thought-out book than a rushed one!  I just hope my readers will like it once it's finally published!