A new Renaissance

Tomorrow is the last day of the Mayan calendar.  Radicals are calling it the end of the world trying to whip us into a frenzy.  This simple fact has led many people down the road of mass hysteria.  Some of which have let their twisted minds give them the audacity to do unspeakable things in their panic.  I am horrified by these events, as are the rest of us.  This paragraph is all I will allot for those nefarious demons before I move on to the real matter at hand.

The end of one era leads to the start of another.  The closing of this age, the chapter of time in which we have all been born and grown, seen so many joyful moments and far too many tragedies, opens up something beautiful and heavenly.  A clean slate ripe with opportunity to try again, to start fresh.


A blessed beginning.  The world anew.  The end of the Mayan calendar means we are moving out of this dark age and into a golden age.  The Crusades were followed by the Renaissance. I believe that we are experiencing the same chance for enlightenment.  I plan to take full advantage of this spectacular endeavor, and I hope everyone else does the same.

 

School of Athens by Raffael

Back to Maple Tree...

I haven't had much time to work on my blog or novel writing lately and I am looking forward to getting back to it.  I have so many ideas that I am excited to get to work on.  First, I am trying to finish Under the Maple Tree before I move on to something else.  It's sometimes hard to resist the lure of another idea that would be fun to write, but I would rather have another completed novel than several unfinished stories.  Starting another project before the last is completed will only delay my progress so I will just have to keep plugging along until Maple Tree is finished/edited/published.  Only then will I allow myself to begin working on another story.  I am considering changing directions entirely on my next book, maybe not involving psychology at all.  I write this specific niche that I seem to have a special affection for - psychological thrillers involving mental illness.  It's not something that I originally thought would be my favorite genre, but creative forces often lead me down paths I didn't set out to travel.  (The same is true for my paintings and drawings.)  I don't dwell too long on my ideas or intentions because ultimately, my creativity will produce something entirely different anyway.

Apart from the creative aspect of writing novels, the business end is very important to me.  In order for me to share my novels, I have to promote them.  I haven't had much time to do this either.  I am hoping that if I refocus my efforts, I can spread the word about my novels.  I am slowly building a readership, but I feel that there a lot more people (women, particularly) that will enjoy my writing.  I am currently working on creating video trailers for my books in order to showcase my stories to people who have not had the chance to investigate my novels.  Hopefully the videos will help me promote my work, and be fun to watch too!

I will keep updating my blog with my progress on Under the Maple Tree though at this point, I'm looking at a release date estimation of February at the earliest.  I was hoping to finish it sooner, but it's better to have a well-thought-out book than a rushed one!  I just hope my readers will like it once it's finally published!

Piercing Evil Eyes

Piercing evil eyes
staring from across the street
watching, waiting, stalking
from a dark corner's retreat

Plotting his game
she has no clue he's there
hunting, planning
he can't wait to give her a scare

The time has come
he loves the chase
he grabs her just to let her go
so she'll set the pace

She cries out
her footsteps pound
she can't get away
he takes her down

He turns her over
terrified, her voice is shrill
he covers her mouth

his heart pounds from the thrill

He won the race
he has his prize
Another victim
to cut down to size

He is sick
he is wrong
he needs to stop
he can't for long

Lock him up
throw away the key
keep us all safe
from his reign of misery.

Water Balloon

Love is a water-filled balloon.  

The pricks of an anonymous needle cause it to spring a few leaks, but it is not beyond repair.  

The number of holes will determine the likelihood of love's bursting into nothing but shreds of what it once was.  

Affection and adoration are draining out through the small punctures, a little at a time.  

Don't let it empty, just hoping not to rip the thinning barrier.  

Plug the holes and pray that it holds strong.  

There's too much to lose to let it pop. 

Under the Maple Tree: A letter for Julia

Julia walked through the door to her dark apartment.  She flipped on the light switch and lit up the overfilled room.  The walls were bare and her belongings were packed in towers of moving boxes.  She closed the door and locked it before walking through the tiny living room to the eat-in kitchen beyond it, which was also filled with stacks of boxes awaiting her move in three days' time.

Julia's heart was still in her throat from the anxiety attack she had suffered at the bar.  She inhaled deeply, though it was a fruitless effort.  She sighed as she mindlessly thumbed through the pile of mail she'd brought in with her.  Most were bills, but one letter stood out: a handwritten envelope with no return address.  Julia put the rest of the mail on the counter and looked at the piece she still held.    

She frowned at the envelope, trying to discern who the sender was.  The scrawl was likely a man's, small, sharp letters and tight spacing.  She didn't know who would bother sending a letter through the postal service, considering the easy access of social media, email and cell phones.  The notion was incredibly classy, even gentlemanly.  Maybe the letter was from her father, Jude.  Jude had been sending her checks in the mail to help see her through her move back home.  The postmark was from New York though, definitely not from her dad in Washington.

Julia turned the envelope over and slid her finger under the flap, ripping it open along the seam.  The paper's edge sliced her finger just enough to bleed, and she immediately stuck her finger into her mouth.  The sting of the cut didn't bother her terribly though, and her curiosity was piqued. She removed her finger from her mouth and pulled the sheet of folded paper out of the envelope.  Julia threw the empty envelope on the counter before she opened the letter with rapt attention, searching the bottom of the page for the sender's name.

...Kirk.

She did a double take.  Julia stared at the signature for a moment, in total disbelief.  Kirk had mailed her an old-fashioned letter.  When she couldn't wait another second to read it, she shifted her gaze upward to her own name.  Part of her knew it was probably a better idea to rip it up and throw it away, to never to give it a second thought.  Kirk was a monster, and his true colors had been revealed to her with all too much clarity.  But she couldn't.  She simply had to know what he went to so much trouble to say.

Julia,

I am writing this letter to tell you that I'm sorry.  I know that I hurt you.  There's really no excuse for it but, as the saying goes, all is fair in love and war.  I just wanted you to know that our time together was great.  I think about you and hope you are doing well now that you're back in the States. 

I'm on my way home as I write this, flying over the Atlantic.  I was thinking about you and I just needed to tell you that I am sorry for the way things turned out between us.  I'm hoping you will forgive me even though my plans haven't changed.  I should have been honest with you from the beginning, I know that now.  Thank you for making the time away from home easier to bear.  Good luck to you.

-Kirk

Tiny smears of her blood from her paper cut had stained the page as Julia read the letter, then again.  And again.  It didn't matter how many times she read it, The thing was still just as dreadful, just as tragic.  He'd done it again.  She was finally starting to let the wound of him heal over and from out of nowhere - he pierced right through her like he was a cannonball and she was the enemy ship.  He crushed her with one piece of paper from thousands of miles away.  His power over her was far too strong and too encompassing for her to ever allow anyone to hold the same privilege.  Ever again.  As for forgiveness? Not likely.

Beyond All Measure

Flesh and mind and spirit

flow together like a rapid river

 to ocean deep

heaven's clouds softly gusting 

for lovers drifting

into infinite divinity

their essence of salt and sweet

a euphoric tribute 

to their blissful adoration

atoms spinning into fusion

souls outstretched to intertwine

thudding beats of mended heart

spreading love's blood

vulnerable, timid exposure

bare the soul

to know true understanding

Find the ultimate philosophy

Love.

beyond all measure.

Art by Sven Grier

What's your stance?

My girl friends and I were having a discussion regarding fidelity in relationships.  I was surprised to hear that everyone had a difference of opinion on the topic.  Most would certainly agree that being faithful in a relationship is imperative, and the only moral way to be. No argument here - but the question of how to handle things is really where the roads diverged among us.

Let me explain: one of my friends said that if you ever have a once-in-a-million situation where the stars-aligned and you found yourself in the unenviable position of having cheated on your spouse/significant other, you should NOT tell them.  This was a somewhat surprising outlook to me.  Honesty is harped as one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship, followed closely by communication.  The concept of keeping such a secret goes completely against both of those rules of thought, however, for the sake of this post - I would like to explore this idea.

My friend's perspective is one who has had a partner be unfaithful, and was hurt immensely in all manners of measurement.  The toll was not only emotional and physical (being single/alone) - the financial fallout was off the charts as well.  So clearly, my friend is speaking from experience.  The backing for her argument to remain hush about it is that telling your partner what you've done is selfish because the confession was likely brought out by your own guilt, and not because your partner deserves to know the truth.  If you did the deed, pay the price by suffering with your own regrets in secret rather than drag your partner down with you, my friend says.  I might be inclined to agree with her.  

That being said, is it better to be in love with someone who was once unfaithful but discreet?  Or is it better to know about it, even if it was only one time?  Will knowing the truth dissolve a good relationship over one slip-up or can a relationship recover after a period of healing and reconstruction? Frankly, it might be better to just stay blissfully ignorant to your partner's transgression. 

Obviously, repeated infidelity shouldn't be tolerated because it puts you, your partner(s) [and their partner(s)] at risk. Some would debate that monogamy is simply loving the one you're with RIGHT NOW.  Apart from the poly-amorous, people generally feel that spreading oneself around denotes a lack of emotional value/respect for yourself (particularly if you're a woman) and for your relationship.  Many cheaters would say otherwise, but they are simply filling their own selfish desires, and not taking into account the needs of their partners equally with their own.  I'd say that most would agree that if you truly love someone, you wouldn't risk hurting them (or worse: passing on an STD) by being unfaithful.

I'd be interested to hear the perspective of men on this topic.  I wonder if a woman's outlook will differ from that of a man's.  Do men feel more possessive over their partners, and thus, less tolerant to cheating? Or conversely, are women more insecure in their relationships because men can have a reputation for "spreading their seed"?  I think it's safe to say that the answer to this difficult question will be different depending upon not only gender, but the personal experience and the belief system of each person.       

  

Question and Answer

Q & A with JoAnna

How did you get the ideas for Restless Mind and The View From The Fishbowl?

I started writing a short story during my junior year of High School that was the ultimately the hatching of Restless Mind.  The short story turned out not to be so short, and I abandoned the project for over a decade.  Eventually, I returned to the core idea of writing about a woman with mental illness; this time with greater skill and enough follow through to write the whole novel.

I really liked writing about mental disorder, and how that impacts the protagonist, so I started researching other conditions to write about.  Fishbowl was originally conceived because I have a friend who suffers from agoraphobia.  My friend's experiences are nothing like what Caleb goes through, but the emotional attributes of agoraphobia is what planted the seed for the book to bloom into Fishbowl. 

How do you come up with plotlines?

I brainstorm a lot before I write.  I hated pre-writing when I was a kid, but now I realize it's a necessity.  I start with one character and one general plot concept and keep adding other characters and subplots until I have an entire outline of the story.  This outline changes multiple times throughout the writing process as I continue to think of new ideas during the rough draft stage.  I think of it more as a map, with many directions, rather than a turn-by-turn that I have to stick to.  That way, if I want to change course, I can because I will always know where else I can go if it doesn't work out.

Where do you seek inspiration?

I use music to inspire me.  Songs help me capture a character by listening to what I think the character would choose.  If I want to write about a cowboy, I wouldn't be as successful doing so while listening to rap. 

I also look to my own life experiences or the experiences of people I know for inspiration.  I often model my characters after people I know or have known, even though I usually change certain attributes to make them unique and separate from the person the character was inspired by.  Sometimes, I just like one thing in particular about a person, like a devilish laugh, the color of someone's eyes or a mannerism that I think is endearing.

How long does it take you to write a novel?

My first novel, Restless Mind, was written in 5 weeks from start to finish.  I was writing up to twelve hours a day, though, so that's not representative of the time frame that's actually necessary to write a 100,000 word novel and be thorough about it.  The View From the Fishbowl took a bit more time, about four months to write, but I got writer's block half way through and took close to a month off from working on it.

The story I'm currently writing, Under the Maple Tree, has been a work-in-progress for almost two years.  I haven't had much time to write, and it has slowed my progress down immensely.  Plus, writer's block comes and goes and when I can't write I go back to pre-writing.  Maple Tree has already been through a lot of pre-writing and has morphed into a tale far different than what I started out with.  I am looking forward to finishing it and see how it turns out, that's still a long way off from now.

Do you feel self-conscious about allowing others to read your work?

The first time I was asked this question, I was surprised by it.  I'm not overly confident, by any stretch of the imagination, but it also never occurred to me to be self-conscious about my writing.  I guess I have always been too excited to share it to ever be shy about being judged.  I also invite feedback from all my readers, because there's always room for improvement!

Which one of your books is your favorite and why?

Fishbowl is my favorite.  I like it better than Restless Mind because I feel like it's a more skillfully written novel.  The plot and subplots are more complex, the cast of characters is bigger and the emotions run much deeper.  The whole novel is a lot heavier than Restless Mind, but in a good way, probably because it's more suspenseful.  Fishbowl more entertaining for the reader.  Altogether, I feel like it's just a much better book.

That being said, I would still say that I enjoyed writing Restless Mind the most simply because the excitement level was much higher since it was my first book.

You never know though, maybe my seventeenth or my seventieth novel will be my all-time favorite!

Amethyst - a short story

Amethyst 

By 

JoAnna

Santanen

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” whispered my best friend, Daphne. She was several paces behind me, frozen in her place.

Her words were a warning, yes, but at the same time, almost a taunt.  The urge to disobey her was there, bubbling under the surface of my mind.  I knew I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t resist.  I crept closer to my target, as quiet as a cheetah on the prowl through golden, Savannah grasses, ready to pounce. My breath grew quick at my anticipation.  As I drew nearer, I reached my small, chubby-fingered hand outward toward it.

 Her beautiful, long-lashed lavender eyes twinkled as she met my brown-eyed stare.  She blinked once slowly, in recognition of my presence and my intention of touching her.  I was holding my breath at the awe of the moment as my hand touched the soft fur covering her body.  I ran my palm over her long, thick neck that felt surprisingly soft and velvety.  She puffed out a loud snuff from her nostrils, cooing for more affection.  She was ethereally angelic, her body glowing white as snow against the dark forest.  She was a magnificent statue of strong muscles over sturdy bones. 

Her long, spiraled horn shone bright light into the summer’s pitch black night.  She was magical beyond my wildest imaginings, and most importantly, she was real.  A real unicorn was allowing me to touch her, to draw myself near to her magic and be forever blessed by its power. 

I couldn’t believe that the stories were true.   Unicorns were so rare no one ever saw them.  They were legends never confirmed by anyone in our tiny village or from any other place.  My father thought unicorn stories were probably just fictional tales passed down through the ages until everyone had accepted them as truth.  I knew the stories were true in my heart, whether he believed or not.

“It’s been a long time since I saw a human.” A gentle woman’s voice said from seemingly nowhere.  There was no mistaking that the voice did not belong to my friend Daphne, who was still standing silently, utterly petrified behind me.

“Who said that?” I asked, looking around for someone else nearby, keeping my hand on her steady so she didn’t spook.

“I did, of course.” She replied, while nudging me with her giant nose, brushing up against my side with a well-meaning gentleness.

I jumped back from her, too shocked to speak.  I opened my eyes wide at her in my disbelief.  I brushed my long brown hair back out of my face so I could see her better.

“You can…t-talk?” I stammered.

“Only telepathically.” Her voice resonated back to me like the hum of a finely tuned cello.  Her tone was deep and rich as dark chocolate, but soft as a feather.  

 “I never heard of a telepathic unicorn.” I replied.

“You’ve heard of other unicorns?” She asked.

“Yes. I know about unicorns.”

“Well, I am not likely to be the same as all other unicorns.  My name is Amethyst.  I am guardian of this forest and many beyond it.  And what is your name, child?”

“It’s uh…Tempest.”  I could hardly speak to her.   I felt unworthy of her greatness.

“What have you heard?” She blinked her sparkling eyes at me.  Her divine soul showed through their depth.

“That if you can find a unicorn, they will bless you with some of their magic.” I said somewhat bashfully.  The request seemed a bit demanding of me, knowing how spectacular her presence was compared to my meager, childish existence.  I was only eleven, after all.

 “Tempest, do you know how you would earn my blessing?” Amethyst asked.

“Yes, I do.  I must solve your riddle.” I said aloud, as I ran my hand down the length of her side, as high as I could reach her.  She towered over me with her massive size.

“Do you feel you are capable of meeting such a challenge?”

“Maybe.” I replied, truthfully.  “But I must at least try.  Your blessing would help my family.”

“In what way?”

“You sure ask a lot of questions.” I declared.

“Unicorns are naturally inquisitive.” She answered.  “Now, why does your family need my blessing? I must warn you, blessings are not for the selfish, so choose your answer carefully.”

“My sister, Patience, is sick.  I came looking for you because you’re her only hope.  My friend Daphne tried to talk me out of it, but I made her go with me instead.” I said, pointing to Daphne, who ducked behind a tree as soon as I said her name. Daphne was always a scaredy-cat.

“You two young girls ventured out deep into the forest, at night, alone?”

I bowed my head.  I was ashamed of my poor choice to put myself and my friend in danger.  “We needed to find you and unicorns can only be seen at night, right?  I brought a spear in case we needed it for protection from predators.”

“You believe you could fight off a jaguar with a spear?” She laughed at me as she asked.

I nodded timidly and looked down at the lumpy earth beneath my old, leather shoes.   

“Your bravery is commendable despite your foolishness.  Your  reason to ask for my blessing is honorable.  You may attempt to solve my riddle, if you wish.”

“I can?  Thank you!” I exclaimed without hesitation.

“You are confident you will accomplish the challenge?”  She asked coyly.

I walked around the front of her to look her in her crystalline eyes.  “I must solve it, for my sister.  I believe I can.” I said with conviction.

“I believe you will, Tempest.”  She took a few steps around in a circle, lifting her legs high in her prance before turning toward me again.  I knotted my fingers together behind my back and stood up straight and  tall at her attention, like my mother would tell me to do during lesson time.

She bowed her head to me deeply, and her horn shone brighter than anything I’d ever seen before.  I had to look away until it dimmed again.

“What is all around us, but has no mass, can be channeled but never seen, can be felt but never touched, can be known but never heard and is non-existent for those who do not believe?”

I considered my options for a moment.  I had three choices that sprang to mind and I wanted to be certain of the right one.  I decided to consider each individually, hoping to rule out the wrong ones.

First, I thought about the Gods.  My mother’s lessons about the Gods could be non-existent if I didn’t believe her teachings, but the ancient stories recall plenty of instances where each God was seen by a human.  The Gods could not be the answer.

Second, I considered energy.  Energy was a sacred teaching also.  Energy existed everywhere and ran through everything, but could never be seen.  It had no mass but was all around us.  I could feel energy in the warmth of my mother’s hugs and hear it in my little sister’s voice before she got sick.  I could feel energy in my body after a good meal, too.  I did when my father brings home a large kill and we can eat the meat until we are stuffed to the brim.  And, your energy will cease if you don’t believe you have any. 

You can feel the energy of fire or water by touching them, so that could not be the answer, either.

My final answer for consideration was magic.  My family believes that magic is an unending spiritual energy that exists in everything.  It cannot be seen, but is all around us.  It has no mass, so it cannot be touched, but can be felt within us all.  It can be channeled into spells and rituals, but dies if you do not believe in it.  I could think of nothing to contradict it.  The answer had to be magic.  It made perfect sense, considering that unicorns are said to have been made from pure magic.

“At the risk of being wrong, I am ready to give my answer, Amethyst.” I said proudly, hoping that by seeming sure, I could feel more certain of myself and my ability to solve the riddle.

“I will ask you again,” she said as her horn glowed brighter, “What is all around us, but has no mass, can be channeled but never seen, can be felt but never touched, can be known but never heard and is non-existent for those who do not believe?”

“My answer is magic.” I said, crossing my fingers behind my back.

“Your answer is…correct.” Amethyst said with a smile in her enormous horse eyes.  “I knew you could do it, Tempest.  You were always worthy of my blessing, even if you didn’t think you were.  You braved the forest at night with only a spear to protect yourself, knowing that big cats roam these woods.  Your motives were selfless because you came only to save your sister, even at your own peril.  You found me only because you believed with all of your heart that my magic is real.  Had you had even the tiniest doubt of my existence, you would have never laid eyes upon me.  I am the guardian of this forest and all who seek my help for pure reasons.  Your wish has been granted, Tempest.  Magic will cure your sister.”

Tears streamed down my cheeks with joy.  I’d done it, I’d saved my sister.  She will live on and my parents will not know the sorrow of losing a child.  I ran towards Amethyst and wrapped my arms around her gigantic neck.  I buried my face against her toned muscle covered in fur softer than a rabbit’s.  I cried from my relief, grateful that I would not have to carry the burden of my sister’s death.

After a few moments, I calmed myself.  I stepped away from Amethyst.  I knew it was time to say goodbye.

“You will have a safe journey home.  You needn’t worry.  Now, return to your family and see the glow of health in your sister’s rosy cheeks again.” Amethyst said.

“Thank you.  Thank you so much, “I said with a big smile, as I wiped the tears from my face.

Amethyst’s horn glowed brighter than it ever had.  I shielded my eyes with my arm and turned away to keep the light from blinding me.  When it dimmed, I turned to look for her, but Amethyst was gone.

“Come on, Daphne. She’s gone.” I said as I turned to walk back toward home. 

Daphne stepped out from behind a tree trunk.  “That was amazing.” Daphne whispered.

“Aren’t you glad you came with me? Come on, let’s go home. I can’t wait to see Patience.” I said, wrapping my arm around my friend as we walked back through the forest towards our village.  The walk home was quick and easy, unlike the trek into the dark forest had been when we’d left home hours ago.  We knew that Amethyst was watching, and that her magic would see us home safely to our healthy, happy families.

Delusions

A dear friend of mine suggested that I write about mental disorder on my blog, considering that it's the main theme of my books.  What a novel idea (pun intended!).
I have been fascinated by mental disorder/the human psyche for as long as I can remember.  I took psychology 101 three times just because I really liked it (once in high school, twice in college).  I find it intriguing that each person's psyche is all their own, despite the similarity in terms of anatomy.  I could go in depth into nature versus nurture, but I'm not a scientist, I'm a novelist.
I like the idea that while we rely entirely on our perception of the world around us, that perception can be altered by a number of things (drugs, illness or exhaustion, to name a few).  The most interesting part of altered perception is when it has been changed, one might not even be aware of it.  This fact creates an impenetrable foundation on which sanity is based, though it could be a complete sham, and really, one would have no way of knowing.
Most people consider themselves sane, for obvious reasons, but truthfully, many are completely delusional.  I'm not referring to the scary mental patient who believes he's the reincarnation of Hitler (though he'd make for a supremely fascinating character, if you ask me!), I'm speaking more toward the man who thinks his "recreational" daily drinking habit isn't going to cost him at least his health, if not his life, or the teen girl who believes she's fat even though she's twenty pounds underweight.
People that live under these lies they tell themselves are delusional, but don't consider themselves to be so in the clinical sense.  Maybe their mental disorder will affect their lives for years, but without a dramatic enough effect for them to change.  Maybe their conditions will eventually force them to seek treatment before costs them their lives, or maybe not.
Based on that concept, does that mean that everyone is a little crazy? Probably, but the big difference is that not all delusions cause detriment, or interfere with daily living.  Some delusions are utterly harmless while others can devastate emotional well-being.
I see the mystery of the human mind as being a debatable topic.  The medical field often questions the validity of studies of the human mind, despite the many years since Freud and Jung.  What appeals to me most about the mind is the opportunity to draw my own conclusions about how it all works, because ultimately, it's all subjective.  You believe your delusions, and I'll go on believing mine.

Restless Mind in depth

Restless Mind is a suspenseful, rollercoaster ride about one woman's struggle with mental disorder.  Jenna Cooper is the heroine, and though she spends much of the book in total bewilderment, she's easy to like.  Jenna is slightly reserved when it comes to matters of the heart, and fairly independent, with the exception of her relationship with her best friend, Debbie.  Her attachment to Debbie is stronger before the story begins, and when Jenna recognizes that she is having psychological problems, she gently pushes Debbie away out of shame and fear of institutionalization. 

As we come to know her, Jenna is leading a successful life as a real estate agent in Portland, Oregon, despite her young age of twenty-five.  She owns a beautiful, but modest home, and is devoted to her career.  She dates, but not seriously, as she makes her career - and her fear of commitment - top priorities.  Jenna is an only child, and an orphan, having lost both of her parents by age twenty.  Jenna's only living family member is her mother's brother, Doug.  Jenna hasn't spoken to Uncle Doug since her mother's funeral five years ago.

As Jenna leaves Debbie's home one evening, a drunk driver collides with her vehicle.  Jenna is significantly injured in the crash, suffering a laceration on her face above her eyebrow, a minutely-fractured arm, and most importantly, a three-day-long coma.  When she wakes, she hopes to return to her life as quickly as possible.  Much to her chagrin, her mind has been irrevocably altered.

As Jenna begins her recovery, her new, somewhat-casual boyfriend, Elijah, longs to aid her in the process.  She's reluctant to accept his help, but relents at Debbie's urging.  Her relationship with Elijah becomes a pivotal one for her as she learns to trust him.  Despite her reluctance, his tender caretaking, unconditional acceptance and selfless sincerity cause her to fall for him, albeit slowly and carefully.

Before long, Jenna notices that she can't remember things.  She realizes that blocks of time are blanked out from her memory.  Her amnesia quickly escalates to whole days of missing time.  Every time she wakes, she has no idea how long it's been since she was last "present" in her own life.  Her disorientation is amplified by waking in bizarre places and situations, having no idea how she arrived there.

Just when Jenna is treading water to stay afloat in her own psyche, she discovers that she was viciously attacked, but cannot recall even the smallest detail about the event.  As her suspicion spikes, Jenna's trust is suddenly broken.  Everyone is suspect, even Elijah.  Jenna is reluctant to report the incident for lack of details but knows she should at least try to apprehend her attacker so others won't suffer the same fate.  After talking to the police, Jenna learns that her attacker might also be her stalker.  Terror dwells inside her over the ordeal.

Through research and the discovery of a few important clues, Jenna realizes that she has dark secrets tucked away behind locked doors in the corners of her mind.  Terrible things from her past that she had long since dismissed, but not forgotten.  Jenna's determination to understand her condition grows with each new tidbit of information from her childhood, culminating in a devastating epiphany that sends her straight to the psych ward - one of her worst fears actualized.

Click to read Restless Mind on ebook:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/236953

Fishbowl On Sale!

Considering that Halloween is coming, I thought I'd run a special on Fishbowl (which is a suspenseful, dark story).  For the next week, the ebook is on sale for 50% off! If you've been meaning to download this one, now's the time! Use coupon code: SU76Z
Get your copy at:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/244229
You don't have to have an ereader! You can read it on your computer or your phone!

A Letter For You

Dear Readers,
I have been thinking about what I should blog about all day.  I even kept the write-post window open for hours just in case an idea popped into my head.  It seems that when you just expect the words to come, they won't.  Nothing seemed to stand out in terms of topic choices.  Another character dissection? A new short story, just for fun?   Or just pontificate about celebrities like Megan Fox, Angelia Jolie or Kim Kardashian?  (Yeah, um, no.  I love me some celeb gossip - but I don't think the world needs one more person talking about those ladies).
If I were going to critic anyone about anything, it would likely be someone like Stephanie Meyer (The Twilight series, as though I even need to reference) and how she was able to turn a G-rated love story about vampires into a zillion dollar industry.   Oh, that would be a great blog post, wouldn't it?
But here we are, half way into a blog post that tells you nothing but "I don't know what to write about, so I'm  rambling."
Allow me to pick a subject and go with it:
Web traffic.
Yep, that's our subject today.  Surprised, right?
I have been maximizing my self-publishing knowledge lately.  I have spent much time studying all kinds of technologically savvy options out there.  Google has been a real treasure.  I feel like, even though I have been using my computer for years, I am only now starting to understand it's full potential.  I have found a new toy which I will share for those of you who might like to play with it:
The Alexa Ranking system shows you all kinds of cool info about a website when you install this toolbar:
http://www.alexa.com/toolbar
It allows you to better understand web traffic.  You can tell how popular a site is based on its rank.  You can also see how many other sites link to the site you're on.  This toolbar is an excellent marketing tool for my fellow writers, but also for anyone who wants to know more about the sites they visit.
I was recommended this toolbar by Where Writer's Win, a blog that I subscribe to, which is about, you guessed it, writing.  Their site is www.writerswin.com   Writer friends, please check it out.  You won't be sorry.
Another thing about web traffic that I would like to note is SEO, or search engine optimization.  This little prize is how search engines find and rank your page's relevance to a given search.  The more often your page is found, the higher its likelihood to be found the next time (i.e. the higher on the list you get, trying to get to that first page of options).  So, I'm giving it a try.  I included some references in this post that I think might pop up  in search tools on yahoo! or bing as well as google.  My experiment here is to see if including those keywords in my post will allow people to find it easier.  I wasn't random in my choices either - I picked references that my target readership would be interested in (and hey, if they like my blog, then fabulous!).  I hope that it works, and more people stumble upon my blog, enjoy reading it, and maybe come back again.
I think it's worth a shot.  I will let you know how it goes!
Much Love,
JoAnna

Getting to know Caleb

Caleb Nichols is the hero of The View From The Fishbowl.  Caleb's story is one of anguish, certainly, but there is a glimmer of hope and triumph.  Writing Caleb's character was a fun experience for me in that I was able to write from the perspective of a 23-year-old man.  It goes without saying that a thirty-something woman thinks and interprets the world in an immensely different way.
Caleb's back-story is an important aspect of the novel.  He wasn't privileged, entitled or even loved; and his early life sets the stage for Caleb to be reserved in his emotional connections throughout the novel and conversely, overly dependent on some relationships. As I understand it, it's not uncommon for individuals with difficult upbringings to have life-long social challenges.  Part of the appeal of Fishbowl is the journey that Caleb takes in order to wade into the negative feelings that plague him, rather than run away from them, through to his eventual growth in learning how to cope.
Another aspect of Caleb that I find intriguing is his ethereal love for his ex-girlfriend, Leah.  Though Caleb and Leah's relationship happened before the start of the story, his love remains the same for her.  The romantic in him longs for her love, even if he is unwilling to truly admit it to himself or anyone else.  From him, her love is the most pure, real source of affection he has ever known.  That fact makes Caleb more attached to her than anyone else, even his best friend, Travis.
Caleb's friendship with Travis is another crucial element in his story.  Caleb views Travis like a brother, sees Travis' family as his own, and behaves accordingly.  Caleb's connection to Travis stems back to boyhood, and the longevity of their association creates a permanence that Caleb had not known previously.  Travis becomes a living version of a security blanket for Caleb, something to hold on to and never lose sight of, through everything life throws at him.
These emotional attributes of Fishbowl are only a small piece of the greater pie.  I hope that you'll read Caleb's story, The View From The Fishbowl, and enjoy discovering him as much as I did!

Julia's Perspective

I have been thinking a lot about love, attraction, infatuation, promiscuity versus virtue and pretty much all things involved in what makes a relationship spark and thrive in order to articulate it through my character, Julia.  I am creating a woman so immensely different than who I am that I feel it necessary to really consider things from an entirely different perspective.  I have a rather traditional view of what’s right when it comes to matters of romantic love, but my character might not.  I think about how she would interpret situations in an often opposite way from how I would.  What would entice me might repulse her, and vice versa.  When offered the apple, would my Eve take it?  I think she might.

It’s quite a fun exercise: I get to entertain the devil-on-my-left-shoulder’s opinions, but not act on them.  I can play a whole scenario out through writing but never have done anything even remotely wrong!  And as a bonus: others can enjoy reading about it.  I think it’s a win-win, don’t you?

(Drawing courtesy of Rae to the Gina's blog)

Fishbowl Reviewers

I am looking for people to review The View From The Fishbowl.  Anyone interested will receive a free copy of the ebook in exchange for their review! Send an email to joannasantanen@gmail.com to sign up to review Fishbowl.  Thanks in advance!

Vices and Temptation

I know I have far too many vices and often think about what ramifications I will have to suffer if I don't change my indulgent ways.  I don't like to think that my hedonistic, instant gratification lifestyle will likely cost me later in life, but in reality, there's no escaping it.  It doesn't really matter what your vice - drinking, smoking, drugs, eating, gambling, shopping - any vice in excess is cause for concern.
Knowing full well that I seem to have an addictive personality, I frequently yo-yo back and forth with my little guilty pleasures.  I'm sure I'm no different than others in this way.  Basically, I'm either quitting something or giving up on "quitting" something.  Its a vicious cycle.  Right now, I'm fighting to quit smoking (for the thousandth time).  It's horrible, but not for the reasons you might think.
I don't know what it is about lifestyle change, but when I make a major alteration in my life, it seems to be followed by a period of insomnia.  This backlash drains me of my energy and makes the task of adjustment that much harder.  After a few days without sleep, my determination wears down and the temptresses of convenience and ease seem all the more appealing.  Self control is not an easy thing to come by, especially when you're exhausted.
In addition to insomnia, periods of adjustment depress me.  I'm sure it's natural for this to happen, but they make it seem like the joy of life has been sucked away by an antagonistic vacuum bent on making me feel like hell.  While I know the dip in mood is only temporary, and I will quickly overcome it, the waiting around for everything to feel "normal" is rather irritating.  To pass the time until all is well again, I'd like to take naps.  But then - I can't sleep. Grr!
I try to appreciate the fact that I even bother with limiting my over-indulgences.  Many people don't try to exercise self control very often, if at all.  I'm not worldly enough to know whether the gluttonous way of living that most of us participate in is strictly an American affliction, but I doubt it.  I wouldn't assume that our capitalist ideals are the blame for my addiction to tobacco.  I think that removes too much of my personal responsibility for my choices.
As difficult as self control can be, success is within my grasp.  I know that I have the will to do whatever I set my mind to if only because I'm stubborn.  I have been successful in the past, and I will again.  I just hope that I don't think later on that since I conquered my vice before, that I can have it again.  That's where I always go wrong.  When you're nearing the end of the race track, you don't turn around and run back the other way.  That's just counterproductive.  Bearing that in mind, I'm resolving to find my new normal and stay there.  Wish me luck!


  

Gratitude

I sit here in my office at just past eleven knowing full well I should be in bed at this hour on a Sunday night, getting as much rest as I can before starting another week.  Sleep can wait.  When inspiration strikes, I like to take full advantage before it slips away as suddenly as it came.

I guess today's thought is gratitude.  I am so grateful for the life I lead, albeit a modest one.  My life is one of my own creation.  I fancy myself the master of my own universe, in the literal sense, as opposed to the spiritual (that discussion is for another day).  I like to believe that all that I am, all that I have, all I will be, are a direct correlation to my decisions, the experiences I have grown from and the effort I put forth.  I can only hope that someday, I'll get to where I want to go based on this idea.  I am going to keep trying as best I can.

Many people have contributed to my life along the way, and I am grateful for them, too.  I love, and am loved in return.  I am happy to love those I keep in my life, and wish the best to the ones I have had to let go.  I have no ill will towards any who have hurt me, as holding on to regret will get me nowhere.  And frankly, I hope they aren't wasting time regretting anything either.

Gratitude.  I am grateful, and I hope that you are too.  I hope that your time is spent doing what you love, as much as mine is, even if what you love is simply petting your cat.  Life is a precious commodity and should not be taken for granted.  I know it's cliche, but it bears repeating.  Live gratefully and find happiness.
I don't know who said it but there is a quote that has stuck with me through my life:
Happiness cannot be sought by those who do not appreciate what they already have.

Well, I appreciate everything - my family, my friends, my health, my home, my pets, my belongings (even that hunk of junk I drive to work everyday).  I am content, comforted and truly happy, and will continue to be so long as I am grateful.

Having it all

I don't know about you, but I feel this pressure within myself to do something great with my life.  It's not enough to be the best person I can be, a dependable friend, or a nurturing mother who loves and takes care of her family.  Though these things are very important to me, they don't fit this particular bill.
I am not sure if it's because my father passed away young (he was only 28, car crash) or if it's simply ambition, but there's this bizarre need within me to fulfill my potential beyond the average person. I'm not saying that I'm going to be a NY Times Bestseller (but hey...that wouldn't be so bad!) but I still want to do more with my life than the typical grind of going to work, raising a family and retiring in Florida.
In fact, most of my spare time is spent working towards this end.  I stopped wasting my time on Facebook games (gasp!) and started finding a way to make my lofty goals a reality.
Obviously, writing and publishing my work were two major checks off my bucket list.  However, publishing my writing isn't enough, despite the fact that I thought it would be.  Now, my attention (and determination) turns to marketing my books and making them a success.  Easier said than done.  I didn't realize how involved this process would become, or how I would have to "create a brand" of myself.  I struggle with the idea of shameless self-promotion.  Truthfully, it feels conceited.  I'm striving to separate my "persona" from my actual personality, so that I can feel like I'm still humbly me.
Who knows where my efforts will lead, but I'm hoping that writing is my way of fulfilling my potential.  Though I have been writing for many years, I can always improve and I like the idea of growing as an author.   Hopefully, someday, I will look back on my life and be proud that I poured my heart and soul into my passion for writing, and that will be enough.

And now for something completely different...

In the past, I've only posted about the announcements related to my books.  In an effort to make my blog more fun, I've decided that I will start writing about different topics.  I figure that if you're going to read my blog (and a big thank you to everyone who does!) it might as well be more than simply updates on the publication of my books.  Feel free to comment about my posts, as I would love some reader input! I hope that you will enjoy my blog and keep coming back to see what we'll talk about next!

Fishbowl COMING SOON!

My second novel, The View From the Fishbowl will be released on 10/11/12! It will be available for purchase as an ebook through Smashwords (which distributes to various ebook retailers) and in print on Amazon.  Fishbowl has a far more complex story than Restless Mind, and one that I hope you will find to be fun, suspenseful and exciting the whole way through! I can't wait for reader feedback on this novel. I'm pretty confident that you're find it to be unique and hope you'll tell me what you think of it! :)
Look for it next Thursday!  Happy reading!

Restless Mind IN PRINT!

I am very pleased to announce that Restless Mind will soon be available in print for those of us who still love a physical book even though the ereading revolution has been thriving for years.  I like the font/size reader customization that you can only get with an ebook, but I enjoy the smell of ink on a page even more.  I am in the works with Amazon to get Restless Mind set up and for sale on Amazon.com in the US and their European website.   I will announce a release date for the print version of Restless Mind very soon! :)

Advertising

As a writer, it's not enough to just put together a manuscript, edit it and publish it (by whatever means you can).  I must create a demand for for my book in order for it to have any chance at success.  The more people that know about my novel the better, but that's easier said than done.  In order for me to promote my work, I have created a plan for marketing.  One step in that process is to hang posters in various locations around town.  I am hoping that some of my friends will help me out by allowing me to display my book posters in their shop/office/workplace.  If you'd be willing to do this, please let me know.  I would greatly appreciate it!  Also, for those of you who haven't already (and a special thank you to those of you who have), please post a link on your Facebook page about Restless Mind.  Thanks for helping me get the word out!
Copy this to your page:
My friend wrote a book! Check it out at  www.joannasantanen.com!

Release of Restless Mind

Restless Mind is available now! Download it today!
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/236953


Many of the ebook retailers that Restless Mind will be distributed to have a review process that my book must undergo prior to being added to their libraries.  Availability will be delayed by as much as two weeks for retailers like Apple iBookstore and Barnes & Noble.  I will update my website, facebook and blog when I get confirmation that they have been added to the various libraries.
Thank you for your support!

Exciting Announcements!

I am very pleased to announce that my author website is up and running! It went live on Saturday, September 8, 2012.  I hope that you'll stop by and check it out!
www.joannasantanen.com

Let the countdown begin!
My first novel, Restless Mind, will launch one week from today, on September 17, 2012.  It will be released through Smashwords (smashwords.com) as an ebook, which will be compatible with practically every ereading device!  It will be available for download in most ebookstores, with the exception of Amazon.  I hope to make it available through Amazon in the near future, despite their exclusivity demands.  Until then, please check your ebookstore app, visit my website, or view my smashwords page:
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/joannasantanen

I hope you enjoy my first book and look forward to the next...Happy Reading!

Ebook Publishing

I have been working very hard to get my books ready for publishing in the form of ebooks.  I am nearing completion of Restless Mind, which I expect to publish in the next fews days.  I am very excited to get my work published as I have been anxiously awaiting publication for over 3 years now.  I hope that everyone enjoys my writing, and will look forward to my future works.  Happy reading!

Writer's block

It happens to the best of us.  The torture that is writer's block shackles nearly all writers at some point.  I have been suffering from a terrible case of too-busy-to-write excuses, though I suspect what was just a facade of the underlying problem of writer's block.  At least I have been reading lately, and it has helped me to redirect my convictions on publication of my work.  I find that some books, despite their wild popularity, lack the eloquent prose I think should define whether a book is good enough to be published.  I guess that's why I'm not an editor at major book publisher.  This realization does, however, provide me with new resolve to keep trying to fine-tune my writing until I am an author of a book - a real book with coverart and paper pages that smell of dust and ink.  Making the best seller's list is a delightful fantasy, but holding my work in my hands, with my name across the front, would truly be a dream come true.  More importantly, letting my work go unread is unfair to everyone who would enjoy it.  I am going to keep trying.  I am going to find a way to make it happen. 

Organization

It has been brought to my attention that I am a computer pack rat.  I have set up all three of my computers to (finally) consolidate my files.  Good lord, I save everything! I still had school files on my flash drive (which I am backing up all my files to, what a novel idea) from 4 years ago.  I seriously doubt I will be struck with the fancy to read through my business law academic writing papers.

In addition to my spring cleaning, I have posted the synopsis for Fishbowl.  Please read it, and if you haven't read Fishbowl yet, tell me whether it seems intriguing to you or what could be edited to make it more so.  I am trying to write the best back cover blurb I can, so reader input would help me hone my craft.  For those who have already read this one, point out anything you can think of that should be mentioned.  Was there some aspect that stood out to you about Caleb that should be mentioned? Thank you for weighing in on it!
    

Synopsis of The View From the Fishbowl

At twenty three, Caleb is a fun-loving free spirited bachelor struggling to make ends meet as a young entrepreneur.  Caleb is a creative thinker, whose passion and personality often finds him surrounded by friends.  After suffering a greater devastation than any he previously thought possible, Caleb struggles with the new-found responsibilities that are suddenly thrust upon him in the wake of his tormenting desolation.  Like an angel sent to guide him, a mysterious and catastrophically beautiful love from his past returns to his life, though Caleb is unsure of her true agenda.  Caleb struggles to overcome his feelings, but his world quickly unravels as his grief takes hold on him.  Caleb finds himself facing off with the malicious man he deems responsible for his strife just as his grip on reality is at its weakest.  Will Caleb be able to save himself and his love from harm?  Will he be able to overcome his own worst enemy, his tortured mind?       

Under the Maple Tree

When Julia made it to the base of the stairs, she could hear her parents talking with her sister, Jane, in the kitchen.  Julia could see Jane’s young daughters through the sitting room window, playing happily in the sunny backyard.  Julia smiled at the sight of her adorable young nieces, with their tiny faces framed by straight brown hair and the petite bodies covered in little floral sundresses.  The late May morning in the Pacific Northwest was beautiful, with spring’s blooms a myriad of flowers, all kinds, colors and sizes bursting everywhere.  The backyard was rimmed in rhododendrons and lilacs, with the pinks and purples filling the space and giving it a warm and welcoming appeal, especially when seen through the sitting room window, which was an old fashioned, multi-paned, cut-glass kind with dark wood trim.  The window seemed to multiply the number of blossoms through its prisms.

Fishbowl

A cool breeze swept through the warm summer's night.The trees' branches were still ripe with leaves overhead as they stood together, arms wrapped around one another, in a park that was bordered by a cliff overlooking Seattle's city lights.  Taking in the sights and sounds of the city in the distance, which was still at this late hour, an overwhelming calm rushed over him.  This peace, this serenity, was because of her.  Because there was nowhere else he would rather be.  The moment together was the budding of a new love's bloom.

Welcome to abstractbyjoannasantanen

Dear Friends,
Thank you for visiting my blog.  I hope that what you find here entertains you and inspires you.  I plan to use this forum to discuss my writing and my ideas. I also intend to update my progress on the adventure of finding agent representation and a publisher.  Please feel free to comment on this blog as reader feedback and constructive criticism would be welcome and appreciated.  Happy Reading!
-JoAnna Santanen